With the presidential election just around the corner, I still don't know whom I should vote for. Or root for, rather, as I'm not sure it's worth the trip to the embassy to get registered. Noone so far has really impressed me. Then again, I would've been surprised if anyone had, being a melancholic that I am. Every candidate has their flaws. To be an Indonesian President *echo here* one has to be perfect. Ya hear me? Perfect! So I have come up with this brilliant series of tests to have our perfect Indonesian President *echo here* finally emerge. No kidding. Just read on.

People deserve to know their candidates up close and personal. And what's better than having cameras follow them 24/7 for a few months and national TVs broadcast all the actions. Everyone with a valid KTP has a shot and is encouraged to register as a preliminary candidate. Registration booths are to be set up in as many major places of interests (read: shopping malls) as possible. Cool, huh? Finally anyone of us can proclaim proudly: I'm running for the Indonesian highest office, what say you?

An Indonesian President *echo here* has to be a strong individual. Not only physically, but also mentally. So we kick off (or tip off if you're an NBA fan) with the first round. Candidates are to perform a series of challenges. Physical ones would include something like trying to free themselves while hanging upside down from a speeding helicopter in the least amount of time possible. Mental ones would include, I don't know, eating roaches alive, maybe? Those who succeed move on, the rest are eliminated. You see, fear should never be a factor for our Indonesian President *echo here*. Oh, and of course, some prize money awaits.

Having proven themselves strong enough, the remaining candidates next are to prove that they're also smart. How? By answering a series of general and scientific questions in increasing difficulty levels. Lifelines are available because, obviously, nobody knows everything. So the candidates can choose to phone a friend, ask the audience, or remove some wrong answers. One wrong final answer and they're eliminated. Those who make it to the final round win some cash and move on to the next round.

Now, what would our Indonesian President *echo here* be without some political prowess? They must be able to survive crisis, withstand pressure, and read other people's thoughts. Or in other words: outwit, outplay, outlast. Remaining candidates are to be stranded on a deserted island for some 30-odd days to compete in various challenges for rewards as well as immunities. Every three days they are to vote one of them off the island. Sounds good? They might also win some cars along the way. Surviving candidates receive more prize money and move on.

Consider this scenario: when visiting a neighboring country our president accidentally gets lost, is completely separated from the rest, and has to find his/her way back to the hotel. Hey, it might happen, you know. Therefore our Indonesian President *echo here* must be able to navigate around mazes in foreign lands with minimal help. Remaining candidates are divided into teams of two and set off to compete in a race around the world. The race consists of multiple legs and in each the last team to check into the pit stop will be eliminated. Amazing, isn't it? And let's not forget the prize money. As if.

Next is a singing contest. What are you laughing at? In the event that someday our Indonesian troops march into America, liberate the people from an oppressive regime, and need to keep the peace there, wouldn't it be great that our Indonesian President *echo here* him/herself can visit and entertain our brave soldiers? Not to mention how much money will go to charity when the live-recorded album is out. Thus, our candidates, be prepared to meet the judges and sing your way to become an idol. Uh, did I just say idol? I meant, a noble person with, err, intentions to, uh, give our troops some moral support. Well, you know. Anyway, they have to sing a wide range of musical genres and be good -- no, excellent -- at each one of them. It's nothing, really. Our Indonesian President *echo here* has to be perfect, remember? Indonesian people will then vote for their favorites by phone or SMSes and those with the least votes are eliminated every week. Recording contracts and more money -- whaddaya know -- await.

All right, so far so good. Our candidates are strong, smart, politically skillful, able to read maps, and sing like idols. But not perfect. Yet. Which brings us to the final round, woohoo! It is generally accepted that a good country leader needs a good country leader's significant other. A king needs a queen. A president needs a First Lady -- I guess that would be a First Gentleman should the president be a lady. An Aragorn needs an Arwen. A Princess Leia needs a Han Solo. A Beauty needs a Beast -- which doesn't sound too right, but you get the idea. And to get a good spouse, you need to be good in finding one. So the next challenge for our Indonesian President *echo here* is to fight his/her way and win a perfect bachelor/ette's heart. The candidates are to live together for a few days in a big mansion -- better, let's make it a big castle -- to compete for this perfect significant-other-to-be's love. Or money. Whatever. As always, every once in a while one will be eliminated. Do you know how many times 'eliminated' has occurred so far? The bachelor/ette will pick one winner in the end. And that is our final candidate. A big round of applause, please.

Great. At a long last we finally have the perfect candidate for our Indonesian President *echo here*. But wait. There's a bonus round. Never saw it coming, didn't you? Our Indonesian-President-to-be and his/her newly found love are to be separated for a few days on an island full of beautiful babes and handsome hunks, who will try to seduce our Indonesian-President-*nah, can't insert an echo here*-to-be and his/her loved one. In the end if their love proves strong enough and able to stand the test of time -- hey, it's necessary, OK? Two words: Monica Lewinsky -- we have indeed found our perfect Indonesian President *echo here*. Oh, almost forgot -- some bonus prize money will be there, naturally. And we can have our Indonesian President's *can't here, either* wedding -- as a mini series, of course.

There. A series of exciting contests that will revolutionize our presidential election forever! Man, I'm so good! I have to get this patented. Huh, what's that? You're saying some people have already done this, this, this, this, and this? OMG, even this and this? And I was only joking, gosh! Never thought people would be pathetic enough to -- oh well. I guess we'll never get our perfect Indonesian President *no more echo after such an anti-climax* after all.