The man before me smiled what I called a quarter-hearted smile. A smile one smiled just for the sake of smiling. I did not like him now, but it had not always been the case.

"Tell me something," I asked, "why are you so arrogant?"

The quarter-hearted smile hung there. "Am I?"

"Yes, you are. Look at you."

"What? I'm always nice to people. Don't you agree?"

"Maybe after a while. But you look down on people. At least you give others that first impression."

"So? Don't they say never judge a book by its cover bla bla bla...? All right, at times I seem too confident -- arrogant, if you will. But that's me."

"And what's up with that?"

"I'm tired of people pushing me around. Just because I don't talk much, I don't show off my knowledge, they think they're superior to me."

"But you've proven yourself too many times."

"Months after."

"Better late than never."

"Yeah, right."

Silence.

I looked him in the eye and he stared back. I did not know how to best describe this man. He did not show too much personality, yet you got the feeling he had a lot of it. When he did not talk, you assumed he knew more -- not less. When you offended him, he kept quiet and pretended nothing had happened. Alas, when he offended you and you reproached him for it, he showed his displeasure in his annoying way.

"You don't like people scolding you, do you?"

The man before me almost laughed. "Do we all?"

"Come on, you know what I'm talking about."

"Look. I take the worse from them and tell them it's no big deal. Then they are mad at me for a lot less? Oh well, that's life."

"You can do something about it. It's not like you don't know, you're so smart."

Indeed, he was. He never showed too much eagerness to learn, yet when you gave him a problem -- almost any kind -- to solve, solve it he would. Usually to your satisfaction.

"I think I know why," I went on. "You don't think it's a problem, do you? You always feel you're right and whoever does not agree with you is wrong. And how eventually they should realize that, too."

The smile returned.

"You're selfish, you know that? Fine, you help people, sometimes while sacrificing a lot. You always say you don't like self-centered people. Yet, deep inside, you're selfish in your own way."

"In a way, yes. I do this and that for others. Why can't I demand something myself once a while? I never ask for too much."

"Just a little understanding of how you are."

"Just a little understanding of how I am."

Silence again.

I had known him for very long. I had watched him grow up. From a chubby, outspoken boy to his current extremely introvert self.

"Are you happy with yourself now?" I asked him.

"Define happy."

"Don't give me that, you and I go back a much longer way than that. Are you?"

"Why shouldn't I be? Well, not as happy as I want me to be, but hey, I'm not complaining. Okay, perhaps a little. But, newsflash: I am human."

It was my turn to smile. I disliked him less now.

"Some guys out there want to be like you. Which I'm sure you know. And -- surprise, surprise -- some girls out there want to know you better."

"They'd better reconsider. It's not easy to be me and it's certainly not easier to be with me."

"Typical you."

"That's a fact."

"I know. Still, you sound so full of yourself saying that. I guess that would make them do reconsider after all."

"Won't hurt them."

"Yes, yes. And you're patting yourself on the back now, having saved the world once again."

The man before me finally cracked a half-laugh. "Whatever works for me, my friend. For us."

"All right. Time for me to go. I'll see you again in the morning, then. Good night."

With that, I turned from the bathroom mirror, switched off the light, and went to bed. I hoped I would not sleep in again tomorrow.

Current music: Nike Ardilla - Bintang Kehidupan
Current mood: happy