The morning had just broken when I pulled up to the hilltop park. No one was in sight, which had been the reason behind our coming so early. Mixing before us were the colors of scarlet, crimson, azure, gold, and silver. Nowhere else could such colors be both contrasting and natural at the same time.

Not that we could care less that morning. Immediately I turned to the girl in the passenger seat. She wore the same blank expression I had come to get accustomed to. The expression one wears when one is past the initial stage of crying grievance and anguish. I willed her to cry instead. Her sobs pained me. Her silence tortured me.

"Ros." I felt I had to begin eventually. "How many times must I apologize? Yes, what I did was stupid and unforgivable. But we have to deal with it in the end. This situation is not beyond salvation. We can still make it right."

Silence.

I tried again. "Ros, listen to me. We are in this together. I know I've not always been there for you. But this time I promise. At least for as long as I could."

Silence.

I put my arms around her shoulder. She shrugged them off. I let out a deep breath and stared ahead.

"When you're ready, Fairy. Take your time." The nickname was both instinctive and deliberate. Only I called her that and she always liked it, even when insisting it be used just between us, out of public's ears.

Silence. Minutes passed. A half-hour passed.

As I nearly decided to give it up and reached for the key in the ignition, she finally made a sound.

"Yes, Ros?" I turned to her quickly.

"My mother... I think she suspects something is wrong with me. At times I feel like opening up to her."

I shook my head hastily. "Leave her out of this. Didn't we agree? This is between you and me."

She nodded slowly. After a wonderful start her mother and I had started to avoid each other. Sometimes I got the impression she wanted me simply not to exist. Fortunately for me, Rosanna had decided to ignore what her mother thought of me and we had begun to meet up without her knowing. I sometimes felt like a highschool-boy again with our secret rendezvous.

Rosanna was a highschool-girl, of course. Sixteen years of age and innocently beautiful. More often than I would've liked people would give us "that schoolgirl and her sugar daddy" and "he's old enough to be her dad" stares. If not for my ugly past, I would have stared back and given such people a scare or two. But I had laughed such encounters off instead; I had learned my lessons.

Or so I had thought. Not quite enough had been learned, apparently.

"So what am I to do now?" She was still avoiding my eyes.

"I told you," I said patiently.

"Abortion?"

"Unfortunately. Look, I don't like it, either. Heck, I hate it! But we can't keep the baby, you know that."

She knew that. Behind the beauty she had a logical mind not unlike mine.

She inhaled and exhaled loudly several times. "Killing my baby? Such a waste."

I put a hand on her shoulder. "Not to mention a sin. But, this is the best option."

"You're always a logical man. Sometimes I hate you for that."

"Not always. And we know what happened when I wasn't."

Rosanna did not like to be reminded. "I've been reading. They say that while a fetus is indeed human, in a genetic and biological sense, it is not a person."

I could not help but nod with grief. I had also done my own share of reading.

"And also, a fetus will have complete organs only within the third month of pregnancy," she continued as if drawing strength and seeking assurance from those pro-choice publications.

"Doesn't make it any less sinful, Fairy." I hated to say it, but she had to acknowledge that.

Silence.

"Of course, the other option is still there as well. But you'll have to let your mother in. And some other people as well. And it will be very, very tough on you, I won't lie."

For the first time that morning Rosanna actually turned her head and looked at me. "And you will be there for me?"

"As long as I can, yes. You know I love you."

Meanwhile, a van pulled up about a hundred meters from us. Lost were the magnificent colors of the sky, only pale blue remained. Alarmed, I started the engine and quickly kissed her on the cheek.

"We have to go, Ros. I'll pick you up again tomorrow and we'll come here."

As we drove out of the park, I looked at the young lady next to me. So pretty, so depressed. The blank expression had returned.

I still remembered the joy with which we had taken her home sixteen years ago. Our first daughter. Our only child, it had turned out. Eight years later I had gotten into trouble with the law and the marriage had fallen apart. Having served my time, I had come back into the society and found noone to receive me. Noone but Rosanna, the apple of my eye.

One day she had called, having me rush to her side. Her then-boyfriend had raped and left her. Anger getting the better of me, I had tracked down that bastard, had a brief fight, and dumped his body somewhere out of town. After much apprehensiveness, I had nearly turned myself in a month later. Then, she had told me about her pregnancy.

It would be this park, this hour from now on. I would try my best to stand by her. Until she made her decision. Or until the law had me. Whichever came first; a murderer does not have plenty of options.

Suddenly my Fairy reached for me. "I love you, Dad."

Yet, even a murderer deserves love.

Current music: Metallica - Of Wolf And Man
Current mood: happy