"An international chase... a quest... codes within codes... questions within questions... oxymorons within oxymorons. The Pak Tino Code is a page-scroller... and if you read it alone, you'll be all by yourself!"
-- Do It Three Times Daily

Following are the first few thrilling pages from this latest blogbuster.

All made-up descriptions of artwork, architecture, documents, and secret rituals in this novel are accurate. Except when they're not.

PROLOGUE
Sanggar Seni Lumayan, Tangerang
10:46 PM

Renowned insurance agent Jaques Genaquère staggered through the vaulted archway of the art sanggar. He lunged for the nearest drawing he could see. It was a dog with one leg up in the air. Grabbing the gilded frame, the forty-six-year-old man stopped to admire the dog's perfectly proportional anatomy. Amazing. Kids these days hardly draw like this anymore, he thought. Then he caught the signature. A famous sketch artist from some thirty years ago. Genaquère shrugged and left the drawing alone.

He took the next one. Twin mountains with a road coming out from their midst, rice fields on the right and left. Signature? Dodol Surodol from SD Pelita V Petang. Satisfied, Genaquère heaved the so-not-masterpiece toward himself until it tore from the wall and he collapsed backward in a heap beneath the A4-sized paper.

"Build me a son, O Lord, who will be strong enough to know when he is weak, and brave enough to face himself when he is afraid, one who will be proud and unbending in honest defeat, and humble and gentle in victory." -- Gen. Douglas MacArthur

There's this Starhub commercial with a lil girl who keeps calling her daddy on their IDD line. Because some conversations need to go on a little longer, is the pitch. My first thought? Dude! That's a girl! Well, a small sample, but still a girl! What's worse than telling a gal she can use IDD any time and for as long as she wants! (At this point one of our Miss Universe finalists would so give me a smack for being sexist.) Look what we're turning our kids into.

My second thought? Dude! You're turning into a citizen of this city, what the hell!

I once read a novel by an Indonesian author -- not in the list, though -- in which there was this quote from Douglas MacArthur. (BTW, three paragraphs and three links to my own entries? How's that for self-pimping?) I'm pretty sure it was MacArthur. Yet, Google didn't find it, so I took the closest I could find and started doubting myself. Now, how's that for self-confidence? You're sure. Google can't find it. Now you're not so sure.

In 1997, as part of the Sisbaja team, I first used Oracle Database. Now, 8 -- eight! -- years later, in addition to being the last single -- well, technically, RB won't be married until this Saturday, but still -- member standing, I suspect I'm also the only one who's still dealing with it.

BTW, just for the sake of it, allow me to introduce the five Sisbaja members:
1) Bapak Yudho -- it speaks volumes when you type your first name on Google and hit I'm Felling Lucky, the website displayed is yours
2) Ibu Yova, now Bapak Yudho's wife and a mother of three
3) You know Siwis, now a father of one (and a husband of three -- kidding!)
4) You also know RB, soon a husband (of one)
5) I'll let you guess

Wah, tetangga di depan gua ngejemur baju tentara 4 (empat!) stel gitu. Keluarga tentara kali ya. Atau anaknya 4 (empat!) orang lagi barengan NS.

Halo, Ibu Dettol.

Volume musik di HD
Ini laptop kantor, jadi "cuma" satu koma enam giga. Desktop gua lagi libur panjang gara-gara yang punya sok tau nge-flash BIOS. Kalo di situ kira-kira ada sekitar -- udah kira-kira masih sekitar -- tiga gigaan.

CD yang terakhir dibeli
Album itemnya Metallica, taon 91, waktu baru masuk SMA en lagi lutu-lutuna. Setelah gua pikir-pikir lagi, kayaknya ini satu-satunya CD musik yang gua pernah beli deh. Eh, entar dulu. Ini maksudnya CD musik kan? Soalnya kalo CD pelem malah nggak pernah beli sama sekali. Minjem sih sering.

Lost lost me within the first 15 mins of its pilot -- yup, we in SG are that slow sometimes -- and never looked back. Wouldn't have watched it if not for my colleague's begging me to tape it for him. Well, it was back-to-back episodes and it seemed to have caused such hoo-hah in the US, so I stayed tuned. It got better halfway through, I must say, I think mostly owing to Hawaii's magnificent scenery. Then back to bad. Then worse.

Never watched any more episodes until last night -- was it the fourth or the fifth? It was still bad. I still couldn't stand the doc. And that Kate lady. And pretty much everyone else except the fat guy. Oh, and the lab.

Speaking of people I can't stand, fine lines really are everywhere, aren't they? Between being critical and being judgmental. Between being helpful and being condescending. Between being funny and being an A-class-hole. I'll leave the examples to you guys.