I never liked cats. To me they were selfish creatures who cared only for themselves. They came to you when they wanted food or rubbing. They did not welcome you when you returned home. Unless it was feeding or rubbing time. Simply egocentric.

Despite my hate relationship with cats, however, there was one thing I did know about these creatures. That somehow they had this mechanism to leave trails for other cats to follow, information for others to pick up. How else would you explain the sudden stream of cats at your door after you fed one of them?

So you would understand my big fuss when this black cat first made an appearance in our lawn. Our daughter, as daughters were prone to, ignored my violent protests and took the creature into our kitchen. Into our home, I ask you!

But parents didn't make a big deal out of stuff like this lest the daughter would grow into a rebellious teenage girl. Thus I said, "All right, Becks, you feed him, you must promise to take care of him from now on. And only him, not any of his family members that would show up later."

Our precious Becky flashed her toothless grin. "Thank you, Daddy! I'm going to call him Frank."

Of course, within days Frank's little brothers, big sisters, distant cousins (that was how Becky pointed them out to us) came to pay him visits. And never left again. That month we had seven cats sleeping on our couch, monopolizing our carpets, and wandering every inch of our house.

"Frank is their leader," Becky told me. "The others listen to him and respect him."

"Even the big sisters?"

"Even the big sisters."

I smiled and brush her hair. "Good for Frank. Just tell him it's enough -- seven is a good number and he should stop admitting more gang members. Okay?"

Becky never let me know what she said to the leader of the cats, but the stream had since stopped. Never question a good development was my motto, so I shrugged and tried to enjoy the company of the seven.

***

One night Becky reported, "Frank and Joe had a fight. A big fight."

"Which one is Joe?" I looked up from ESPN.com.

"The one with a white patch above his eye."

"I thought that was Tina?"

"Nooo. Tina's patch is above her right eye. Joe's is above his left."

"Of course. So what was the fight about?"

"Joe got greedy and tried to eat from Frank's bowl."

"Shame on him."

"That's what Frank said to him! But Joe laughed it off. He challenged Frank."

"Hmm, wrong move."

"Exactly! Frank took him down fast."

"Well, Frank's the leader. What happened to Joe?"

"I told Frank to give him another chance, they're brothers after all."

"Right. I'm so proud of you."

Becky looked at the floor. "I'm not sure Frank listened to me. He was very angry. He still is."

I took her into my arms. "Don't worry, I'm sure they'll make up. Come on now, Young Lady, time for bed."

***

Frank and Joe never made up. The next morning we found the cat with a white patch above the left eye lying lifeless on our porch, his body full of wounds and one eye missing. I was just in time to prevent Becky from walking into the crime scene. I cleaned Joe up and arranged a burial in the backyard, three humans and six cats in attendance.

With one hand in mine and another in Sarah's, Becky looked at me and said, "I told you Frank was still angry."

The next feline incident involved the cat known as Judy. We found her in our pond. It was a small decorative pond in our backyard with no apparent reason for a grown-up cat to step into. But step into it Judy seemingly did, no other explanation.

Becky cried for a long time. "Judy also fought with Frank," she sobbed. "She took Frank's spot on the sofa. Frank didn't like it."

"Well, first of all, Frank is not supposed to have any spot on any sofa," I said. "And second, I think Frank has some serious attitude problem. Tell him that."

Unexpectedly, Becky looked up. "I'm not telling Frank anything. He scared me."

Later that day, Sarah caught me looking at the black cat -- the now-fat black cat. "What?" she demanded.

"Something wrong with that Frank guy."

My wife laughed. "Oh, come on! He's just a cat!"

At that very moment the animal in question stared back at me and I did not really buy the "just a cat" part.

***

Two more of the cats soon met the same fatal fate. Tina and Charlie were suddenly showing signs of sickness and started doing what must've been the equivalent of human's coughing -- and before long, human's throwing up. On Becky's insistance, we took them to the nearest veterinarian. The vet made them swallow some pills. We woke up that night to shuddery howls. Minutes later, Tina and Charlie were no longer with us.

I quickly glanced at Frank. He looked smug as ever -- at least to me. I repeated to Sarah, "Something is wrong with that cat."

"What, you think he caused the two to die? For God's sake, John!"

Becky and the two remaining cats, however, echoed my sentiment and stayed clear of the black cat. Becky refused to feed him anymore and Sarah understandingly picked up the task. Well, she had first asked me to do it and I had violently objected.

The next victim, as far as Frank was concerned and I was convinced, was not from the feline tribe. Our TV reception went bad out of the sudden and while I was on the roof, trying to adjust the antenna, I saw that devilishly black creature inches from me and lost my footing.

I hit the lawn hard. "Just a mild concussion, you're very lucky," said the doctor. I felt anything but.

"You believe me now?" I asked Sarah.

"That Frank had anything to do with your fall?"

"That Frank is an evil cat."

"I believe my husband is crazy."

"What more proof do you need? I tell you, that beast has to go. The sooner, the better."

"Well, you're the man of the family. Get him to go. Take him somewhere and leave him."

And so the man of the family had to do what the man of the family had to do. I tried to grab the cat. I got a few scratches instead. What did I tell you about cats only caring for food and rubbing?

To Sarah's amusement, I announced with finality, "You watch, I will conquer him. Meanwhile, would you please stop feeding him? That might make him go on his own."

***

The whole situation affected Becky badly. She now insisted on locking the surviving Danny and Lea in her room.

"How would they pee?" Sarah enquired.

"I will keep a basin in my room."

"And who will clean this basin everyday?"

"I will," Becky said stubbornly.

"I have a better idea," I said. "Why don't you lock Frank instead. Then we're all free of him."

Becky's face looked as if I had just nominated my only daughter to fight the Minotaur in my place.

Sarah's looked as if I were the Minotaur.

"All right, fine. I will take Frank away in the morning. Okay?"

***

The nightmare came as expected. In it, I woke up sweating and saw the amplified version of Frank The Cat stand next to our bed. His eyes were green and hipnotizing. When he opened his mouth, canines protruded threateningly.

He did not speak, of course -- cats don't speak, they meow. But I understood what he was communicating.

"What's with the hostility?"

I swallowed. "It's you, Frank. Ever since you came, troubles have come with you to my family. Our daughter Becky is no longer a happy girl she was. Sarah and I started to fight over small matters. And did you know last week I was this close of losing my job?"

"And you're blaming me for them? You're disgusting, John. Stop being a coward and face your problems!"

"You are my problems! I will dump you first thing in the morning."

A smirk. "And how do you plan to do that? You tried and failed miserably."

"Oh, I'll figure out a way. I'm not losing to a cat. A big, fat cat!"

"Great. Now you're getting physical. I tell you what, here and now I can take you, John. Just like I took care of Joe and the rest."

"You're evil, Frank. What are you, the Devil's incarnation?"

He hissed loudly. I looked over at Sarah. She was sleeping peacefully.

"You're an arrogant man, John. You keep saying you hate cats. Why?"

"You cats are such selfish creatures!"

"So are you humans. We differ only in forms. Inside, you're just like us. You're kind to others when you need something from them. Else, you'd just care about yourselves."

I snapped angrily. "You're just a cat! What do you know about us? Huh? Try facing our problems on daily basis. See how you cope with those!"

The black evil being considered this. "So, let's see if I understand what you're proposing here, John..."

***

When I woke up, I could feel something weird had taken place. My body felt so light, my limbs leaner and stronger. Even with eyes still shut, I knew immediately.

I opened them and the first thing I saw was Frank, lying on my bed, next to my lovely wife.

Only it was not the Frank we'd come to know.

I let out a sigh. "I'm a cat, aren't I?"

Frank, in my pajamas and body, nodded, grinning. "A big, fat black cat."

Lifting a limb, I contracted a few muscles and stared at my sharp claws.

I never liked cats.

Current music: Pure Saturday - Kosong
Current mood: happy