Months ago, I was privileged to receive an invitation to an old friend's wedding. I was looking forward, I have to admit, to attending this particular event. Not only did the groom and I go back a rather long way, but knowing him, I also expected a surprise or two.

In the end, it was due to my own personal commitments that I was unable to attend and I had to resort to sending them my well wishes from afar.

And so, I got a mutual friend who did attend to fill me in.

How was the wedding, I asked. Well, it was just another wedding reception, she answered. Huh, how so, I asked, didn't he always talk about having something simple yet unlike others? Didn't seem too special to me, came the reply.

I thought, all right, perhaps this friend wasn't the best person to observe weddings. So I insisted on details. You know, she said, the so-called modern -- we conversed on YM, but I imagined she was making quotation marks around 'modern' with her fingers -- reception. They showed us the usual clips of the groom's childhood, then the bride's, then how they grew up, went to the same school, fell in love, and would hopefully live happily ever after.

Trust me, this friend of mine, she wasn't being bitter, simply herself.

How many, I asked, guests were present? According to him, she said, they sent out about 1000 invitations, so 1000-1500 thereabouts. Mostly their parents' guests, he would imagine.

All right. Two things. One, when I had last heard from the groom, which was roughly two years before the wedding, he was still with his then-long-time GF, whom I also know. A nice, smart girl. Oh, and not a bad looker. Not at all. That her family was of a different set of background from his never bothered him. Different, as in different ethnicity, different religion, different field, different way of life. What's important, he had always said, is that we love each other -- I don't give crap -- he used another word, BTW -- what my parents say. I know they love me and they want to see me happy. We'll work it out.

Problem is, this then-GF didn't go to the same school as he did. Which means, he married someone else. Which, his being one of those private schools, most likely means, he married someone from more or less the same background after all.

OK, fine, I thought. Couples break up and people have changes of heart. Big deal, then.

Two, this friend was well known for his vocal dislike of parents-controlled weddings. He kept saying how when finally getting married, he wanted the wedding to be his and his bride's, not the parents', by having a small number of guests and his and hers outnumber those of their parents. That, and he wanted the reception ceremony to be a break from the 'normal' way. In short, a different kind of wedding.

Well, what happened?

When he was finally back from the honeymoon -- a full 4-weeker in different parts of Europe -- I managed to catch him. Congrats on the marriage, sorry for being nosy and all bla bla bla, just curious yada yada yada, what happened?

His sheepish grin transmitted all the way through YM. Yes, I exaggerate. Well, you know, he said, things change. I thought I was tough and I wasn't. In the end, pressure from surroundings proved to be too much for us -- for me personally. Your parents, I asked. Yup, he replied, who else? The mother who almost died giving birth to me. The father who worked hard day and night to keep me, their eldest child, from ever wanting. The parents who could not have a decent wedding themselves and for once wished to experience the joy. What a pressure, man. What a pressure.

I see, I said. I saw, indeed.

Yeah, he said, I gave up. I took their advice and found a wife they would approve of. I let them pick the wedding organizer -- planner, organizer, master, whatever -- and stopped caring. The bride and groom just did what they were told. Be here at this time and we did. Wear these and we did. Easier that way. It wasn't too bad, really, once you got used to the idea.

Hmm...

That's the least a child can do. Seeing the smiles on their faces -- my parents' and hers -- made up for it, you know. My wife agreed, he added with a trailing happy emoticon.

Hmm...

Here's what he said next, as if defending his decision: because it doesn't matter that good parents should not force their will upon their children. Because it doesn't matter that not doing everything your parents say does not make you an ungrateful kid. Because what matters is that your parents are sad and (they may think) it's thanks to you.

Just for the record, I didn't actually hmm him. What I said was something along the 'as long as you're all right with it, man' line. I did hmm silently nonetheless and I sincerely wished them success and happiness.

Come our (!) own time, though, I hope for things to work out better.

Speaking of whom and because it can't be said too many times, I would like to once again thank Pacarku for the wonderful week. Here's to many more of such.

PS: lest I forget tomorrow, happy birthday, Bry! What you did -- and I don't think you're even aware of it -- was a real blessing. Thanks, Bro!

Current music: Metallica - Last Caress/Green Hell
Current mood: happy