Before I start, let us take a moment to gripe about my second and third fav teams -- in that order -- being Philiminated even before the fourth episode. And yes, again, I demand y'all know which show I'm talking about. Man, I'm almost sure this is the roughest start ever in the history of my watching the show.

But enough about me. Tonight the teams started late at night by taking cabs to Something-Something Garden in Hanoi. There, they would have to listen to the next clue. Hmm, interesting. I had a flashback to our OPT days, when we had to listen to news on RRI then write a summary in alternate blue and red inks.

But enough about us. The team of two Windows Applications -- I feel so proud of myself for having come up with that -- left first, but reached the place almost last. Didn't they get lost in the first and second episodes as well? Early Cab Curse? The Beauty Queens -- still not enough beauty to me -- got off their cab and immediately went to listen to... crickets? Dude, you ain't Pinocchio, you ain't be needin' no crickets tellin' ya stuff!

Eventually, all teams figured out what they had to listen to was this statue. Or at least, I was under that impression. Too bad, I was kinda expecting the Beauty Queens to ask the crickets, what, can you repeat that again, please? The statue, or whatever it was, spoke in English with a Vietnamese accent. I mean, I suppose it was Vietnamese. I have a new housemate, a Vietnamese called Binh, and he sounds nothing like that. The voice mentioned at least three places where the racers had to go.

Teams took different approaches to the situation. Some went by ear and repeated the names phonetically to their taxi drivers. Some dragged unfortunate drivers out of their cabs to listen to the instructions firsthand. Or firstear. Whatever. Some -- and this some goes by the name of Rob and Kimberly -- took the easiest -- or so it seemed at first -- way out: following another team's cab.

In the end, it mattered little as all teams found out they had to wait until morning anyway to board the bus that would take them to the next destination: Ha Long Bay. I just verified on CBS website and I got that one right. Don't ask me how I remembered Ha Long Bay but not Ly Thai To Garden.

Next came this week's Roadblock. One member had to climb up a rock using some kind of device. CBS website calls it a mechanical ascender. I trust them. Three racers at a time could climb, the rest would have to wait for turns. David the Coalminer went up first, followed by Rob the Dater and Terry the Boyfriend. Rather unexpectedly, Sarah took the Roadblock instead of Peter. Wait, that didn't sound right. I mean, I understand some ladies may want to pick a Roadblock over their male partners -- especially if these male partners prefer watching Liverpool to chatting with them. But... never mind.

Aaanyway. Everyone completed the climb and rappelled. The ladies and a Beauty Queen especially did well, full marks to them. Teams then took boats to some kind of cave. I don't know, man, ten seasons of TAR and I'm still not crazy about being in a cave. Except perhaps the Batcave -- and only if the Batmobile is there.

Sorry, sorry, it's hard not to talk about me. Now you see how easy it was for me to come up with the list.

Next: Detour. The options were Over, where teams had to collect some supplies and deliver them to two specified addresses among a floating village; and Under, where teams had to pull 30 baskets of pearl oysters from under the water. Both tasks required each team to row a small boat throughout. I once tried rowing a similar looking sampan so I think I'm qualified to say that it was no easy task. The sampan I tried was much smaller in size and it took me years to finally figure out a way to get it moving. And it was dead exhausting!

And no surprise there, as all teams struggled. Well, all but my fav team -- woohoo! -- and Peter (of Sarah and Peter -- from now on, Sarah comes first.) I initially thought the Windows Applications would be the ones rocking the task, they being from Harvard and all... What? Isn't Harvard where you row boats? That's Oxford? And Cambridge? What happened to Harvard's boat club?

All right. So Harvard has nothing to do with rowing. Does it have anything to do with basketball, then? Not basketball, either? That's gotta suck. Luckily I didn't go there.

Turns out the Windows Applications didn't go to Harvard, either. Their older brother did.

Where were we? Well, teams tried to maneuver the boats yada yada yada. OK, here's an interesting scene: Rob and Kimberly fighting. All right, maybe not so interesting. But it got me wondering, you know. I've watched ten seasons -- well, nine seasons and four episodes -- of TAR without a miss and it has always been a male-female team that fights. Male-male teams have had their disagreements, too, so have female-female teams, but seldom do they fight. Jeng May, what's up with that?

In any case, this fighting male-female finished their task first and passed their 30 baskets of what, Kids? Of pearl oysters, very good, you've been paying attention. They passed the baskets to the pearl farmer -- hey, that's a cool profession, a pearl farmer; any pearl jammer? -- and got the final clue, telling them to row back to their junk, which would take them to the Pit Stop.

Next to finish the Detour was my fav team, followed by Sarah and Peter and the Windows Applications. On their junk, Sarah complained to the camera -- good idea, camera simply listens and never talks back -- how she was disappointed with Peter's attitude in the race. All the while, Peter sat next to her, making funny faces to the camera and weird shapes with his fingers behind her back. Which would've been more exciting than just sitting quietly, which he actually did.

I understand Sarah's frustration, having pulled off such a big physical task, only to have her partner threatening to quit -- albeit never seriously, I'm sure. But saying bad things to camera about your partner with him sitting beside you? Maybe it's the Asian in me, but I'd go for a more private conflict resolution.

Me, me, me. Sorry. Back to the teams. Rob and Kimberly were all smile and loving each other again, as they checked in first and each won a jet ski. Or something. Sarah and Peter's boat overtook my fav team's, to everyone's surprise. And sure enough, the boatman had forgotten, would you believe it, to hoist the anchor! Not unlike my mother -- all right, all right, me -- realizing having forgotten to release the hand brake, about half-way to the destination.

BTW, boatman? Is that the correct term? Or boatmaster? That sounds better. But wait. Can a boatmaster talk to boats?

Sarah and Peter, you are team number two. Tyler and James, you're number three. Windows Applications, you're four. The Coalminer and Wife came in fifth, somewhat under my radar. Suddenly there they were, standing before Phil. Huh? Now, that's a useful skill. One moment you're doing Detour, next moment you're in Pit Stop. Kurt Wagner would be proud.

The Single Moms -- the only one going for Over -- finished their Detour. Judging by their performance, it seemed to me that Over was the better option. If not for their less physical nature, they would surely have finished higher than sixth. I was quite impressed by them, nonetheless.

Now, it was up to the Beauty Queens and the Boyfriends to fight it out, trying to avoid the last place. Beauty Queens finished the Detour first, but managed to all but destroy their clue in the process. As a result, they thought they were supposed to row all the way to the Pit Stop, instead of going back to the junk. Somewhere between the ladies getting clueless and finally guessing correctly, Tom and Terry -- or Jom and Jerry, one is tempted to write -- managed to finish their task and struggled to their own junk. At one point, Tom actually jumped into the water and swam while pulling the boat. I don't know how effective this action was, but it sure was touching.

In the end, the natural lights couldn't lie, no matter how hard the amazing editors tried. Beauty Queens, who attempted to disprove my hypothesis above by (almost) fighting, finished seventh. Boyfriends came in last, were Philiminated, and were so proud of each other. Well, not for being Philiminated, of course, but for being able to show a lot of heart and support for their partners and having come this far and so on and so forth -- you know, routine.

Phew, that was one tiring episode. Which I'm fine with -- the more chances for my fav team. Although I can't help but feel for the less physical teams. You know, this is exactly why I can't be a successful businessman -- too much compassion.

Next week: Peter is so getting dumped.

Current music: Adam Faith - A Message to Martha (Kentucky Bluebird)
Current mood: happy