That Kinabalu expedition thingy really is an eye opener.

How's that for an entry-opening statement? Yeah, blogging -- OMG, I've been in this thing for three years now -- does that to you.

But, it indeed is. So, aside from that I'm nowhere as strong as I thought I was -- nor are my knees as functional as I thought they were -- I learned that a journey to a mountain top paralleled life.

Yes, after a basketball court, the weather, and many more.

You know, I've asked this question many times over the years: how does one know that one has reached one's limit? At which point does one decide that, this is, like, beyond me and there's little point in proceeding? When should one tell oneself, damn it, boy, suck it up, and plow ahead?

You're in a relationship and it isn't going as well as you want it to. How long should you wait it out before you decide, all right, it's enough, perhaps it wasn't to be? How do you know that it isn't getting better? How sure are you that it's really not working out and not simply for lack of trying? Some people are not made for each other, that's for certain. Then again, even the most perfectly matched couples will have their disagreements. You can't run away at every sign of differences, can you?

You hate your job and have wanted to quit for some time now. How positive -- negative, perhaps, in this case -- are you that it's the job and not just you? Maybe you're just being a whiny crybaby. On the other hand, if you do decide to tough it up, it may prove damaging. To your career. To your life.

Time out, nose is bleeding...

Back. Fish me, what's up with that? I'm safely in my warm room and there are no naked ladies in sight.

Anyway, I was saying...

When we were up there -- as in, uuup there -- this question popped up a lot more than once. The path won't be getting any easier; should I let it go to save (what's left of) the aforementioned knees? But, come on, the others made it to the top and are climbing down happily! What to do?

The thing is, I couldn't simply fall back to what I'd told myself when picking which faculty to apply for in the UMPTN: what ultimately transpires as a result of your decision isn't as important as making the decision itself. Once you have made the choice, you stick with it. You don't look back.

The then-current situation was different. The question -- as with the relationship and the job -- would keep popping up even after you'd made the decision to go right on. And the temptation to quit would only get stronger with each (hurtful) step upward.

BTW, during our climb I noticed one thing: Caucasians are more likely to share smiles and encouraging words -- albeit out-of-breath ones -- while Asians tend to keep their heads low and avoid eye contacts, as if afraid of having to say hi. What's up with that? One of Jeng May's researches may shine a light.

In the end, I chose to keep punishing my knees and lungs. I made the summit. Just. And it was worth all the pain. After all, to a degree, there's a masochist in everyone.

But that's not the point.

Because, faced with the same question, I still won't know how to choose. I still won't know whether to continue or to quit. The trend thus far shows that I'm a sucker for pain -- or perhaps more stubborn than a donkey. Who knows where I am now should I have quit my last job a year sooner. Or should I have decided to leave this island five years back.

But hey, another thing a mountain teaches you is that sometimes you follow your impulse -- taking a different trail, for example. Which in our case caused us to walk two kilometers farther, arrive hours later, and lose more ringgits.

And so, the trend may still change. We all know people do.

Current music: Des'ree - Life
Current mood: happy