Once upon a time, there was this lady whose second fav question to her eldest son was, "When will you start your own family?" Which was usually followed by, "You're not getting younger. You're doing well now, I don't buy for one second you can't find a lady friend."

And to which the son usually replied, "What's wrong with not having one's own family? Besides, what is family, anyway?"

Oh, if you must know, her first fav question was, "What food do you want to bring back?"

So, what is family? Dictionary says, in its traditional meaning, a family is the basic unit in society consisting of two parents rearing their children. This is the definition I believe the mother alluded to. Go find yourself a nice lady, get married, buy a house, have a child or two, be happy.

With all respect to the mother, I find the question very restricting to the son. It's like, starting his family is the way to go. As in, the way to go. It's a Sherlock Holmes-esque question. The great detective didn't ask, "Did you kill the man?" He asked, "Why did you commit the murder?"

A few years ago, back in my idealistic days, I might have come up with a long lecture on how the society had changed, one should keep one's mind open to alternatives, plenty of married couples weren't at all happy, bla bla bla. If being happy is the goal, then, what's all this talk about starting one's own family? One can as easily be happy not having an own family as one can having one.

Now? I still think so, only I would keep my comments to myself. Why should the said son risk an escalated fight just to make his point? A point which would just be lost on his mother. A point which she, upon honest reflection, would surely realize herself.

That, and the fact that, despite myself, I've begun to see her point.

Yes, there are plenty other ways to find happiness. No, those who are single -- by circumstances or choice -- aren't necessarily unhappy. Yet, this "starting one's own family" business has been around since centuries ago, if not the start of time, in any society. As in, it's the most well traveled route. There's got to be some universal truth to it.

All these years, in the back of my mind I knew -- or rather, I thought I knew -- that I would someday start my own family. All in spite of failed relationships, one after another, some harder than others. At times, I thought I was ready. Other times, not so much. But I maintained that someday, somehow, given the same question as the mother's, I would have an answer. And it would make both mother and son -- and father and daughter-in-law -- happy.

Sadly, life is notorious for not always providing storybook endings, no matter how promising the beginnings seem. Even what's good on paper may not work out in the end.

I do want to start my own family and provide a satisfactory answer to my own mother's question. I just need to apologize for her having to wait a bit longer and hope when the time does come, she would be more receptive to my concept of a family.

Which may or may not be in line with the traditional definition.

Allow me to conclude this entry -- which, BTW, is really not as bitter as it may have come across -- by quoting from my own entry above:
...rather than ruing over the one that was not to be, rather than agonizing over how we were once close to this person only to be disappointed in the end, we should be grateful that such person exists at all. We should be thankful that we have had the chance to meet and be intimate with him/her. Treasure the memories, learn from the mistake -- if ever was it one -- and when love comes back knocking, be ready to embrace it once again.

Current music: Elvis Presley - You'll Never Walk Alone
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